May 2013
Additionally, today I texted Liz to ensure that I did not try to have sex with her last night and she responded “No you didn’t but I did snuggle between you and gabe making out” so I guess we finally solved that problem.
Have you ever thought you were a good party hostess until you accidentally turned on all the lights in your living room MORE THAN ONCE because you wouldn’t stop trying to sneakily make out with your boyfriend right between the door frame and the light switch.
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Took my last exam. In true B. Burgess fashion - forgot to study the statistics part that made up 1/3 of the test. Drew a note on the calculations sheet that said “I FORGOT 95% OF MATH MATERIAL + A CALCULATOR! How embarrassing. Please still remember me as not-a-weenie. <3 Becky” accompanied by a unicorn saying “sorry for being a weenie.”. My professor read it while I was...
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“Gabe and I have talked about how you are the biggest threat to our relationship...”
– Becky (via nopedefinitelynotme)
THIS WAS A REAL CONVERSATION WE HAD WHERE I SAID “I’LL TRY NOT TO GET SO DRUNK AROUND LIZ ANYMORE BECAUSE APPARENTLY I JUST TRY AND HAVE SEX WITH HER THE WHOLE TIME” AND HE SAID “YEAH I THINK THAT WOULD BE BEST”
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“The number of times you’ve said ‘I need to find something...”
– what - ever
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allyhatingheterophobe:
Misandry is a joke.
Do people not understand this?
It’s a joke, because sexism is the systematic oppression of women, and misogyny is rampant and easy, but misandry takes a concerted effort because we’ve all been trained to love men.
When people say they are misandrists then nine times out of ten it is a joke because however hard you try you can’t oppress men in that...
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Watchfuckyeahgreatplays:
First look at August: Osage County
CAN YOU EVEN STAND IT
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Have done some personal meditation and decided that I’m content, even happy, with the fact that I have only average math skills but above-average blowjob skills.
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Hi Newark babes, I’m writing an article about local stores being pushed out of Main Street and being replaced with chains. If you have any insight or opinion or even just any examples of good local restaurants that went out of business, please share with me! xoxo local 4 lyfe <33
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MADE FOR BLOOD
sierrademulder:
I cannot tell if we are falling out of love with each other, or, if this is the love they warned us of: the love that doesn’t trim its grievances into neat, pleasing bushes but instead grows itself wild as the jaguar—raised in captivity—will realize one day it too is made for blood. The love that will hack up the wet, pink carcass of an argument months after its neck was...
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well, I keep getting turned on in my bee class
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What do you do when people ask “how did your eye get bruised?” and the correct answer is “I got drunk and had sex while wearing a gas mask”
Watch
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“Obama kept strong control over the subjects and the atmosphere in the room,...”
– Have you ever been drunk while writing a journalism article due seven hours ago.
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“After learning my flight was detained 4 hours,
I heard the announcement:
If...”
– Naomi Shihab Nye (b. 1952), “Wandering Around an Albuquerque Airport Terminal.” I think this poem may be making the rounds, this week, but that’s as it should be. (via oliviacirce)
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FINE.
THERE IS ONE CUTE BOY IN MY JOURNALISM CLASS WHO ALWAYS STARES AT ME WHEN HE THINKS I’M NOT LOOKING AT HIM AND SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT HIM WHEN I’M GETTING DRESSED IN THE MORNINGS.
FINE.
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My relationship to religion has been fairly nonexistent throughout my life but today I sleepily half-opened my eyes and watched my naked boyfriend pray silently on his knees in a pool of morning sunlight so like… I get it. Thanks, Allah.
